Dr Christorian Proctor (41), manager of the Highlandland Visitor's Centre, Salmon Farm Road, Utherness, is suffering from a badly stubbed and bruised left big toe, it was revealed by Dr Proctor's PR agent Cliff Maxford at a special press conference yesterday.
Dr Proctor, who had only last week revealed Highlandland's latest attraction, a fully interactive display commemorating the 50th anniversary of Buddy Holly's death in the car park following a plane crash, is said to be "limping" and "wincing" - and was photographed being helped to his car while shouting "I'm going to be back on my feet in a mumphf!!!!" at neighbours who didn't care.
A seventy-eight part documentary, broadcast on Ironically Living TV, started last week, showing Dr Proctor's trials and tribulations of existing with a badly stubbed and bruised left big toe. This is not the first time Dr Proctor has appeared on television - in 2003, he became the first academic to win "Nae Bother" the popular STV reality show which forced recent graduates to commit acts of violence at gun point. In 2007, Dr Proctor returned to a special Children Need Relief edition of the show, "Celebrity Nae Bother", but was widely condemned in the press at the time when he was filmed booby-trapping a primary school and attending a Nazi rally. However, it has been requested by Mr Maxford that that particular time in Dr Proctor's life be now completely forgotten, and instead he be portrayed as some bizarre, post-Diana secular saint, which we are more than happy to adhere to.
Dr Proctor's wedding to Angela McTiree, a sixteen year old shop girl from the local Greggs and fan of the singer Jay-Zee, was broadcast on Ironically Living TV last Saturday. Futher moments in Dr Proctor's short life (visiting the chiropodist, having a Tubi-Grip fitted, and eating a Greggs pie at least once a day) are to be exclusively covered by the local "Fit Likee?" celebrity gossip magazine. It is hoped that the £250 raised will go to the upkeep of Dr Proctor's two pet guinea pigs, Columbo and Zaphod, after Dr Proctor has gone - and that he can keep in contact with them "via God's Twitter account or something", according to Mr Maxford.
Said the PR guru at the press conference yesterday: "Of course, it is just possible that medical science may find a cure for a badly stubbed and bruised left big toe, some miracle that means that Dr Proctor can walk again and enjoy a long and happy life. But it is unlikely. And even if it isn't, Chris will get to keep the money".
LIMP
Dr Proctor, who had only last week revealed Highlandland's latest attraction, a fully interactive display commemorating the 50th anniversary of Buddy Holly's death in the car park following a plane crash, is said to be "limping" and "wincing" - and was photographed being helped to his car while shouting "I'm going to be back on my feet in a mumphf!!!!" at neighbours who didn't care.
BOOBY
A seventy-eight part documentary, broadcast on Ironically Living TV, started last week, showing Dr Proctor's trials and tribulations of existing with a badly stubbed and bruised left big toe. This is not the first time Dr Proctor has appeared on television - in 2003, he became the first academic to win "Nae Bother" the popular STV reality show which forced recent graduates to commit acts of violence at gun point. In 2007, Dr Proctor returned to a special Children Need Relief edition of the show, "Celebrity Nae Bother", but was widely condemned in the press at the time when he was filmed booby-trapping a primary school and attending a Nazi rally. However, it has been requested by Mr Maxford that that particular time in Dr Proctor's life be now completely forgotten, and instead he be portrayed as some bizarre, post-Diana secular saint, which we are more than happy to adhere to.
TWO PET
Dr Proctor's wedding to Angela McTiree, a sixteen year old shop girl from the local Greggs and fan of the singer Jay-Zee, was broadcast on Ironically Living TV last Saturday. Futher moments in Dr Proctor's short life (visiting the chiropodist, having a Tubi-Grip fitted, and eating a Greggs pie at least once a day) are to be exclusively covered by the local "Fit Likee?" celebrity gossip magazine. It is hoped that the £250 raised will go to the upkeep of Dr Proctor's two pet guinea pigs, Columbo and Zaphod, after Dr Proctor has gone - and that he can keep in contact with them "via God's Twitter account or something", according to Mr Maxford.
LE. BUT IT IS UN
Said the PR guru at the press conference yesterday: "Of course, it is just possible that medical science may find a cure for a badly stubbed and bruised left big toe, some miracle that means that Dr Proctor can walk again and enjoy a long and happy life. But it is unlikely. And even if it isn't, Chris will get to keep the money".
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